• Your WhatsApp status say’s online …..If your online then why aren’t you texting me.
• Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. True story.
• You can’t put a value on a human life, but my wife’s life insurance company made a pretty fair offer.
• Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains.
• Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so near to Monday????
• We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.
• Waiting for Wi-Fi network.
• Tried to loose weight…….But it keeps finding me.
• Tip to avoid car insurance……….Join Facebook and never leave home.
• They say we learn from our mistakes; so I m making as many as possible!!! Soon I will be a genius.
• Sorry vegetarians we can’t pretend
• Sleep till you’re hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy.
• SI unit of ignorance = “seen”
• Should transformers take car insurance or life insurance…..
• Second chances are for losers….either we do it in first place or live it for others.
• People r like music some say the truth and rest, just noise.
• One person’s LOL is another’s WTF!
• My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity.
• My attitude will always be based on how you treat me.
• My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
• Love marriage is like dancing in front of snake and asking him to bite.
• Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my WhatsApp Status…
• Lazy People Fact #5812672793. You were too lazy to read that number.
• Just wanted to say, you are as useless as “ueue” in a “queue”.
• If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a French cat.
• If procrastination was an Olympic event, I’d compete in it later.
• I’m looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
• I wish I had Google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.
• I wish I could loose weight as easy as I lose my pens, keys, smart phone, my temper and even my mind.
• I will marry the girl who look as pretty as in her Aadhaar Card (or in matrimonial sites)!!!!
• I will be back before you pronounce aslkfjlsajflj.
• I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as “Free Recharge”
• I took IQ test… results were negative
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• I started out with nothing and i still have most of it.
• I like to take road less travelled…..helps me to avoid traffic.
• I just saved lot of money by “LIC life insurance”… By not having any.
• I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by selling my car.
• I don’t care what people think or say about me, I was not born on this earth to please everybody.
• I can see you checking my Whatsapp Status. B)
• I am not questioning your honour. I am denying its existence.
• Happiness is when “Last seen at” changes to “online” and then to “typing”.
• Give a man fish and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can then stick him with a huge amount of fishing School loans.
• Galileo: Great mind…, Einstein: genius mind…, Newton: Extraordinary mind…, Bill Gates: Brilliant mind…, ME: Never Mind.
• Fun is like life insurance. The older you get the more it cost’s.
• Formula for success… under promise and over deliver…
• Even Romeo went from being “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated”.
• Dream as if you’ll live forever..Live as if tomorrow is last one.
• CGPA available for adoption… can’t raise it myself.
• At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days: Just turn your head right then left and repeat whenever offered any food
• Always remember you are UNIQUE… just like everybody else.